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0:00
Hey everybody out there, this is John Cena.
0:01
I'm gonna be doing a Wired Autocomplete.
0:14
Without further ado, let's do this.
0:07
Okay, so here's how it works.
0:14
The question is, 'Who John Cena?'
0:14
Who let John Cena fly the helicopter?
0:17
Whoever did that was a poor management decision.
0:20
Who is John Cena's father?
0:23
This is where the plot thickens.
0:25
Are you ready for this?
0:27
Because I, John Cena, have a father named John Cena.
0:29
Little known internet fact.
0:29
I'm not a junior.
0:31
Is John Cena's team?
0:31
Well, that's a group of folks just like a band of minstrels that travel the universe.
0:42
They play a song; it's very trumpet-based.
0:47
It goes something like, 'Pratt, Pratt, Pratt.'
0:47
That's my team.
0:47
Who does John Cena look like?
0:47
I fancy that he looks like a character named John Cena, who is found often on WWE programming.
0:56
I think we have a striking resemblance.
0:58
I'll let you decide.
0:58
Who is John Cena wrestling?
1:00
Sometimes he's like this.
1:02
Sometimes he's like this.
1:02
And sometimes he's like this.
1:05
And sometimes he's like this.
1:07
And that's the four phases of John Cena wrestling.
1:09
Google Autocomplete completed.
1:11
Next.
1:11
What John Cena?
1:16
Let's see what Google had to say about, 'What is John Cena's diet?'
1:18
Good choices.
1:21
And folks, you out there know what good bad choices are like.
1:23
Well, tell me what those are.
1:26
Come on.
1:26
Overindulgence is the key to dietary ruin.
1:35
What are John Cena's shoes?
1:35
So, they're like a peanut butter style.
1:35
I had to really grease the ends of my toes to get into these.
1:35
My feet are swollen, thumping.
1:47
What is John Cena's finishing move?
1:55
It usually is, 'Are you okay?'
1:55
And then I go get a sandwich and call my mom.
2:01
What is John Cena's horoscope?
2:07
In my future is a wonderful animated movie called 'Ferdinand,' which you're all gonna go see.
2:07
I know horoscopes are usually general.
2:07
Someone was very specific, and I wonder why.
2:07
What is John Cena's hometown?
2:07
I hailed from the mean streets of West Newbury, Massachusetts.
2:07
Have you ever been to West Newbury?
2:08
You know what I'm talking about.
2:10
There's two streets: there's Main Street and People Street.
2:13
There's a dump in West Newbury, and it's on Maple Street.
2:14
So, you wanna stay on Main Street.
2:17
Wired Autocomplete, next phase of Google.
2:19
'What John Cena?'
2:22
What does John Cena look like?
2:26
Well, he is a man with a deformed human face.
2:28
What was John Cena's longest title reign?
2:32
Well, I've been the champ of being stupid for 40 years.
2:34
Let me see, 'What if John Cena played Minecraft?'
2:39
Well, I would build worlds.
2:42
That's what would happen if I played Minecraft.
2:44
What did John Cena play in football?
2:48
Well, that answer's simple: football.
2:50
It's a sport that all players play.
2:55
There are positions.
2:53
I think the question should be, 'What position did John Cena play in football?'
3:00
So, I'll answer this question: Football.
3:00
What is the John Cena potato salad joke?
3:00
There is a small, large group of folks out there who think that I'm rather bland, kind of like potato salad.
3:00
It's bland.
3:00
It's something you sit down at a barbecue for the sake of having another food.
3:00
I guess it's better to be called potato salad than a steaming heap of bull.
3:00
So, what are you gonna do next?
3:27
More 'Does John Cena...'?
3:27
So, these are four answers from the Google machine of 'Does John Cena...'
3:31
Does John Cena still wrestle in 2017?
3:35
Well, these are the final days of 2017, so yes, yes.
3:37
Next.
3:37
Does John Cena sing his theme songs?
3:47
Yes, I wrote and produced and created a theme song done with Tom's new franchise, 'Blow Up Shot,' and then 'Can't See Me.'
3:47
My time, in case you forgot, I fell off.
3:47
I'm still hot.
3:58
Knock your shell off.
3:59
So, you know the rest.
3:59
Does John Cena do cardio?
4:03
Cardio is an exercise that increases your heart rate, so yes.
4:09
Two and a half minutes at a time, I do cardio.
4:12
Does John Cena have a YouTube channel?
4:21
There are channels on YouTube where you can see John Cena, but there's no specific John Cena YouTube channel.
4:25
Top searches of 'Do Bulls...'?
4:25
First one: 'Do Bulls have udders?'
4:37
I would speculate that they do because I have, I've nipples.
4:37
Do Bulls hate red?
4:37
I think they hate agitation.
4:37
I don't think it's a color thing.
4:37
So, I think they hate agitation.
4:37
Do Bulls move?
4:41
Yes, that sounds like this: 'Oh!'
4:49
Do Bulls qualify for bonus depreciation?
4:49
We all know about this.
4:54
I'm not gonna bore you with commodities class, but sadly enough, I do think that those qualify for bonus depreciation.
5:01
Do Bulls wear bells?
5:09
A bell-wearing bull is a belly laugh.
5:06
It's boisterous and beautiful.
5:09
You should take a bespoke bull with a bell.
5:18
Do Bulls eat apples?
5:18
Yes, they do.
5:18
I'd like to think they'd eat anything but a grain-based snack, some sort of grass, but I think apples should and could be in their diet.
5:18
Wired Autocomplete's next phase: 'Where is John Cena's...'?
5:18
Where's John Cena's house?
5:30
Well, home is where the heart is, guys, and right now my heart's with you.
5:32
So, you're out there listening.
5:34
Welcome home.
5:34
It's been a wonderful journey.
5:36
I'm glad you're back.
5:37
You wanna make yourself a sandwich?
5:40
I'll turn reruns of your favorite program on.
5:40
Okay, great.
5:40
No problem.
5:40
And put the toilet seat down.
5:52
Where is John Cena right now?
6:04
I kind of already answered that question, and we'll go to the next one.
6:04
Thank you.
6:04
Where is John Cena's gym?
6:04
I don't know, that way.
6:04
Where is John Cena from?
6:04
Before you address this, guys, I'm from my mom.
6:04
That's how creation is made.
6:04
Where is John Cena's family from?
6:08
Essentially, my family is from a long line of people that produced people, and that's how we became to be.
6:16
This is John Cena for a Wired Autocomplete session.
6:19
Adios.