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0:00
Jesus Mero, you guys are about to take a lie detector test, but we're happy to have you guys here today.
0:07
Yeah, one of you will be hooked up to the machine and the other one will interview.
0:14
Switch.
0:21
Are you guys nervous?
0:14
This doesn't leave the joke on.
0:19
Guys, it's not like this little bit will work for anybody, right?
0:25
Lift your chain, ready to be exposed.
0:25
Expose me.
0:25
Is your name Joelle Martinez?
0:25
Yes, it is.
0:25
And you go by Kid Mero?
1:01
Yes.
1:06
Is this a photo of you?
1:06
Yes.
1:06
And, uh, could you please explain what designer you're wearing?
1:06
Versace.
1:06
Just wanted to throw it out there for sale.
1:06
I'm doing pretty good so far.
1:06
These are required questions.
1:06
It's a hard-hitting question.
1:06
JonBenet Ramsay, are you from the Bronx?
1:06
Yes.
1:01
Do you think you are the most successful person to come out of the Bronx?
1:06
Absolutely.
1:09
I have very self-confident.
1:09
Are you more successful than her?
1:23
I mean, currently, no, but I would say like maybe like in the future, you know what I'm saying?
1:23
You gotta think, you can't come out and be like, "Y'all know I'm gonna suck." like, "Her is gonna suck," like, "I'm never gonna ascend to that level."
1:26
I'm trying to convince me of yourself, everybody in the room, actually, like my man right here with the crewneck.
1:35
Like I'm trying to convince them.
1:40
You don't talk to anyone other than me and lie-detector guy.
1:40
Okay, thank you.
1:40
What about this guy?
1:40
Or Big Con, excuse me, that's that's totally.
1:40
What about this guy?
1:40
Are you more successful than from the Bronx?
1:55
Do you know that we're books?
1:55
That is this Fred Fud?
2:09
That's Fred Trump.
2:09
Wow.
2:09
Wow.
2:09
You live in New Jersey now, is this true or false?
2:09
That is true.
2:16
Do you think you're better than me because you've moved to the suburbs?
2:47
Twenty million new bigots, ever guess.
2:47
Uh, no, not really.
2:47
Do you think you're better than because you have a sprinkler system?
2:47
Yes, absolutely.
2:47
Pretty fit.
2:53
Yeah.
3:00
Are you high right now?
3:00
Yes.
3:00
What are you high on?
3:00
Edibles from last night.
3:00
Am I high right now?
3:00
I feel like you learn, you know?
3:00
Yeah.
3:00
All right.
3:09
Do you think you could out-smoke me?
3:09
Probably.
3:09
Probably, yeah.
3:09
Do you think you could out-drink me?
3:09
No, absolutely not.
3:09
No.
3:09
Have we ever done anything illegal together?
3:09
Yeah.
3:09
It's the Sky Blues Waterway.
3:09
Have we ever been naked together in the same room?
3:09
Possibly, maybe we have.
3:09
Yeah.
3:09
All right, okay, hang if you don't see the wing.
3:09
All right.
3:09
Do you consider yourself a Yankee fan?
3:12
Absolutely, 27 rings, bro.
3:12
Is the new Yankee Stadium better than the old one?
3:16
Absolutely not.
3:17
What level of confidence will you say that Babe Ruth is Dominican?
3:26
I would with no uncertainty say that Booth 100%, 1000%.
3:26
Okay, so to your best knowledge, are there any other people in history who are secretly Dominican?
3:30
Abraham Lincoln.
3:30
Next week, we have like a weird beard for the time, you know what I'm saying?
3:53
Like his beard, his facial hair was just like, boy, inappropriate, yeah.
3:53
They're like, "Oh, that's kind of wild." like, "What do you?" like, "He was it was experimental facial hair."
3:53
Switch to Minicozzi, other.
3:53
Mm, yeah, okay.
3:53
What about the Knicks, are you a fan?
3:53
I'm a life to the fan of the minute.
3:53
For how long will you be a fan?
3:53
Forever, until I die, which is sad, but I yeah.
3:53
Yeah, like I'm never giving up.
3:53
Okay.
4:01
Have you ever rooted for another team in basketball other than the Knicks?
4:04
No.
4:04
Not even for gambling purposes?
4:10
Oh, yeah, for gambling purposes, yeah, for sure, yeah.
4:08
But not for like, "Yo, I want you to win."
4:15
Like, "I want you to." No, to do the opposite, like, "I want you to tell you see."
4:15
Oh, wow.
4:15
Are you a better roaster than me?
4:24
Um, I feel like it depends on the medium.
4:30
If we went roast for roast, do you think you'd win?
4:36
Probably not.
4:40
No, I'm a dad of kids, like, I'm like, my mean streak is like declined a lot.
4:40
That's fair.
4:43
Let's find out what's this person.
4:43
Oh man, look at Charlemagne, bro.
4:47
At with the Capital One step per page.
4:50
Charlemagne looks like a hip-hop lumberjack right now, this is wild.
4:57
He looks like a ninja turtle.
4:57
That ninja turtle that's a logger in Canada.
5:01
Okay.
5:01
El Presidente.
5:06
Oh man, repeat.
5:06
Oh, look at him, look at the difference in the hue of his face and his hands.
5:13
It's like he has bionic hands and that's high.
5:16
It's longer than a CVS receipt and this whose pants are mad wrinkled.
5:27
You're the president of, bro, you can't steam your trousers.
5:22
I don't want you to be confused.
5:35
Isn't that the true view?
5:28
This is DJ Envy.
5:38
Okay.
5:38
The Bisquick bandit space.
5:38
He knows you're about to roast her.
5:38
Yeah, I don't know why you would get a goatee to like highlight your second chin, you know what I'm saying?
5:38
Like I have fat, like, you know what I'm saying?
5:45
So I let my beard grow to like here, which to disguise the double chin.
5:49
He's just like, "Nah, that I want you to see my Red Lobster biscuit chin under my goatee."
5:59
Is that a Pandora bracelet?
5:59
That's a mystery to Pandora.
5:59
Same man.
5:59
I'm like a little soccer ball.
6:39
A pop.
6:44
Rich Dad.
6:44
You don't you just restart a few great.
6:44
I'm sorry that you look like a bruised banana.
6:44
Yeah, this is like a perfect representation of the movie, because like black people over here like China like get out of the picture.
6:44
We're trying to do this to the picture.
6:53
Like yeah.
6:57
Last but not least, Michael B. Jordan.
6:57
Handsome guy.
6:57
Hey, handsome guy, gotta work on the smile a little bit.
6:57
It's a little kindergarten-y.
6:57
It's a little like you have to smile now, you know, to be like, "Just think of something the funniest thing you ever thought of your life before people tell you to smile and then you'll get like a genuine laugh so it doesn't look like you're trying to hold him."
6:57
He's shorter.
6:57
Yes.
7:01
Okay, let's talk more about the gift of smiling.
7:03
Let's look at the smile you're doing in this photo.
7:04
Please describe that for the court.
7:08
This is our show just for me that I swung way too much way before the broom here, so I can barely keep my eyes open and I'm trying to cover by the port state teeth with my tongue.
7:20
Okay.
7:20
All right, now we get into the begin to the Christmas already.
7:27
Okay, is it true you have four kids?
7:27
Yes.
7:30
Which one is your favorite?
7:30
Ah, you have a favorite.
7:35
I mean like, "Now, sir, I have sir the needles are dancing the Macarena, the answer's here."
7:40
If you all know the answer, just say it ugly.
7:44
Let's say the answer.
7:44
My daughter, God, there's only one.
7:51
I mean, I also have a soft spot for Mauricio because he's my first, you know, another to his child.
7:51
But he's a masculine child and then I have a soft spot for Moreau the third cuz he has like a cute little speech impediment and I mean and then the the middle of the fourth is like the athlete, you know what I mean?
8:34
Like he's in the 95th percentile for height and weight like and I'm just like super proud of that stuff.
8:34
So what I'm hearing is you definitely have a favorite child.
8:34
Yeah, question, it'll change.
8:34
Will you ever stop making babies?
8:34
Yeah, for sure, definitely, absolutely, 100%.
8:34
Are you 100% sure you're done?
8:34
I'm 1,000% sure I'm done.
8:34
Are you having no more kids?
8:34
Are you getting a vasectomy?
8:34
Uh, I guess.
8:34
Do vasectomies make you nervous?
8:34
It depends like if it's not emphasized not invasive as my wife says it is, then yes, if not, then we're gonna have to talk about having our resources at all.
8:34
Like I have it, I'm gonna be honest, I have not researched my sex things.
8:34
I can just like cut like a hole on the under your penis and like snip something and like burn the ends like.
8:34
I don't it just is very good, crazy.
8:34
Klee with a car, yeah, it's very frightening.
8:34
I don't want it like, "Where does that go?"
8:34
Is it true you almost became a science teacher?
9:12
Yes.
9:18
All right, we're gonna see what your science fact game is like.
9:18
Let's talk about it.
9:18
Can you name the three types of rocks?
9:18
Igneous, metamorphic, and what was the third one?
9:18
Sedimentary, yes, that's a big Conte.
9:15
We like the courtroom to be quiet when people do.
9:24
Do you know the difference between fission and fusion?
9:22
Yes, fission is the fusion is the combination of atoms and fission is the dissolution of them.
9:39
Oh, all right.
9:33
You spent some time working in a middle school, correct?
9:37
Yes.
9:39
Do you think you were a good role model to those students?
9:41
Absolutely, 100%.
9:44
Hmm.
9:44
I've never seen any needles through the Milly rock before.
9:52
At any point during this interview did you lie and we didn't catch him?
9:53
Possibly.
9:53
I mean, I've lied to judges.
9:53
Have you ever taken a polygraph?
9:59
That's what, yep.
10:01
Okay, yes, but you changed it to Jesus.
10:11
Okay, yes, sorry to change it as a stage name.
10:13
Okay, it sounds like a lot like Jesus, was that intentional?
10:15
Probably, yeah.
10:19
Are you ready to take this lie detector test?
10:22
I mean, I'm strapped to a lie detector, still gonna have to the affirmative.
10:24
Yes.
10:26
You have a degree in literature, is that correct?
10:29
Yes, it is.
10:29
Would you say you were well read?
10:32
Books and okay.
10:32
If you had to write a biography about me, what would be the title?
10:39
Oh, give me five minutes.
10:39
I'm taking a.
10:42
We went by many aliases on the Bodega voice.
10:47
Is it true that one of them was, "Don't talk to me in the Uber pool, I don't know you?"
10:53
That's not an alias as a life philosophy.
10:54
Hmm.
10:54
Do you still take Uber pools?
11:11
Absolutely not.
11:11
I am Uber diamond status now.
11:11
Oh, I also Uber pool generally, it's just like that little bit of extra money they use described is come again.
11:11
Opening a fish 35 cents worth is not worth me and you're eating a plate of whiting.
11:20
Oh, like versus weight and therefore people, come on, man, have some self-respect, this is really a lot.
11:25
Have you ever, I have written okay once.
11:32
Okay, just once.
11:32
The not one experience was enough to deter you forever.
11:32
During that one Uber pool ride, did you ever hit on an Uber pool passenger that was traveling with you?
11:32
No, good.
11:32
Think about it, if you're a Liverpool and another person who is that you're both broke, what are we gonna get together and do?
11:51
Let's pull back home, yeah.
11:51
Can you walk from my house?
11:54
But also that I don't think you should date people, you should have hit on people, you know over, because you literally just saw where they came out the house they live in, that could get very creepy very fast.
12:04
Oh, you're ghosting me.
12:04
What is the weirdest place you've ever hit on someone?
12:08
Oh, there was a 10 June to club.
12:14
It was like a loser celebration for women voters.
12:18
Oh, and Geraldine Ferraro was there and I tried to hit on the girl from Scandal with her name Karen, yeah, and she dubbed me so hard, I was like, "Embarrassing."
12:25
Well, look at him down, but you regret there.
12:39
No, I appreciate.
12:31
Do you ever get nervous that what we say might you take it out of context?
12:41
Yeah, yeah.
12:41
Should comedians ever police what they say?
12:46
Uh, yeah, if you want continue getting paychecks and their being in movies and stuff.
12:51
But it's not you know, just say whatever you want to say.
12:53
Home Depot is always hard.
12:53
Do you think that our catchphrase "facts don't matter" influence the rise of fake news culture?
13:02
Counts and what an indictment about the rare.
13:05
I love how all the questions were light and was responsible for trouble.
13:09
Perhaps.
13:09
I do think a same fake news into it.
13:12
Actually, no facts in a matter before we started to pocket, so you're very nice.
13:40
Yeah.
13:40
Also the fact that you would say that Trump is in power because of two brown people's podcasters, it's a little racist.
13:40
Uh-huh, sorry, I just have that out.
13:40
All we did was point out the truth.
13:40
Mm-hmm.
13:40
Speak truth to power.
13:40
They hate me when you speak the truth, that's right or something like I say look at hatred.
13:40
Oh, yeah.
13:40
All right, you're ordering a bacon egg sandwich, I put David.
13:40
Do you get cheese?
13:36
I'm wildly lactose intolerant, so the answer is, of course, I'm getting cheese on the burger.
13:44
That's it, you know, I say I've only lived but so long, but you want to have flavorful breakfasts, you know what I mean?
13:54
That's right.
13:54
Would you say that you are more attractive than this man?
13:54
Yes.
13:54
Oh, you.
13:54
How are you?
13:54
DJ Khaled, yeah.
13:54
What about me?
13:54
Am I more regular than that guy?
14:46
Yeah.
14:57
Am I more attractive than this guy?
14:57
So awkward again, you asked if you're more attractive than this person and then you have me a picture of myself.
14:57
Just, I mean, look like, I mean, he's a stud.
14:57
He's just that's that's not a little Mike Francis and about a young stud, you know, did get head on the shoulders, but he does have cheek pouches like a squirrel, you know what I'm saying?
14:57
A sexy squirrel.
14:57
He is a very sexy squirrel.
14:57
Okay, yeah, I think you, I think you're more easier or not.
14:57
Thank you.
14:57
Yeah, the confidence is through the roof.
14:49
Hey, are either of us more attractive than this guy?
15:06
I would say together we're more attracted to this guy, but his if that is so big.
15:11
Yeah, love you, Chris.
15:11
Yeah, we have to combine power.
15:14
Yeah.
15:14
Now for the other dough.
15:16
Chris changes get all the chicks in grade school.
15:18
Yeah, like disturbing you got mad Valentine's.
15:20
Okay.
15:20
Are we funnier than him?
15:26
Yes.
15:29
Awesome, homie, animal.
15:29
Yes, like I'm not funny.
15:35
Exactly.
15:35
Subscribe to the Michael Jordan rules.
15:39
Accomplished?
15:39
Yes, I am the greatest person ever and yes, that's how you have to think.
15:44
Like if I had known, I would've got a hoop earring in a big cigar manipulating down on black.
15:58
All right, right now, right now, 2019, 2019.
15:54
How strong is the bridge?
15:58
The brand is so strong, it's going to have to testify in front of Congress about steroid use.
16:04
This is from the Kardashians.
16:06
Are we stronger than the Kardashians?
16:08
Yes, because we are able to create new seasons of content without having to sacrifice black men.
16:15
I'm looking at you interest in Thompson.
16:17
Wow.
16:17
Is this one of the Vanity Fair?
16:24
I wouldn't put our brand up against an established brand if it had been around for so long and was so much enjoyment, countless ability.
16:27
That's true, it's true, that's very true, that's that's what we aspire to.
16:31
That's what we aspire to.
16:31
One day we hope to be Vanity Fair.
16:38
Will our brand ever be stronger than her brand?
16:38
Oh, I think if you think about it, she's kind of part of our brand, started the bodega, so we're gonna take some.
16:45
No, I think we're all together on it, so she's in Bodega boys and did come back in April when you say with a birdie millions of this.
16:55
Would you say that we are the best late-night show in the game?
16:56
See, it's hard cuz we like, we know the other people, we're friends with them, you know, like it's like we have kind of like a playful rivalry with them.
17:07
You want to say them or show a late night, you know, track.
17:11
Talk about.
17:11
Last question, at any point during this interview did you lie and we did not catch you?
17:16
I'm gonna be honest with you, my general first answers are general you guys, so I'm gonna say, yeah, like that first one about Daniel Baker, that's not my real name.
17:27
I was specially big country, how's it going over there?
17:29
He was completely.
17:29
I knew I told y'all that's not my baby, so you watched the show last, huh?
17:49
How do you feel about it, huh?
17:49
Like Mirror's outfits.
17:49
What is that?