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0:00
There is no greater joy in my life than scoring a goal against my nephew as myself in FIFA, and the Roy Kent on screen going, 'Yeah!' in his face, and me next to him going, 'Yeah, he's troubled.'
0:09
My name is Brett Goldstein, and these are the 10 essential items I can't live without.
0:17
Swimming goggles, you never know when you're near a big body of water.
0:23
When you are, you need goggles.
0:23
I like the water; if I could, I'd live in it.
0:25
These are really, this is the fourth pair of goggles I bought this year.
0:42
I did have some really good ones; I'd love to show you them.
0:42
They now live in the sea, hopefully Ariel's using them.
0:42
And, are eyes, well, it's also a good look.
0:42
I don't know why you don't see more of this on the catwalk.
0:42
Am I more of a front crawl or a backstroke kind of guy?
0:42
Front crawl.
0:42
I go trunks, I have found a pair which I haven't brought with me.
0:46
They're incredibly tight, and like a Speedo, but go down a bit to, you know, fit the whole package.
0:57
Moleskin notebook.
0:57
Comedian Sarah Pascoe once bought me a Moleskin notebook; I've never looked back.
0:57
I'll go through six in a year, maybe.
1:00
I use it for writing stand-up and for free writing.
1:05
No, now that I'm in this proper psychopath, can't read any of this out.
1:05
If I ever die and these are found, people will start looking for the bodies.
1:05
Sometimes it's not all writing, sometimes it's, you know, drawings of my family.
1:05
It's got me to this table.
1:05
Laptop, don't leave the house without it.
1:24
When you put down your psychopathic notepads, it's time to get serious.
1:39
I've been asked how messy my desktop is.
1:39
There's about 45 windows open, so for some people that would be a panic attack, but for me, it's hope.
1:39
It is stress right now, you've sort of drawn attention to it.
1:39
I feel panicked.
1:39
Yeah, I'm going to close that.
1:39
Black t-shirt wardrobe looks like Batman.
1:46
It's just 20 black t-shirts.
1:48
Here's one of them.
1:48
I'm wearing the other one.
1:50
You never know when you need a black t-shirt.
1:51
I'll tell you when: all the time.
1:57
Bold or baggy?
1:53
Fitted rather than, you know, big and large.
1:58
This is a water bottle.
1:58
To be fair, when we're talking essential items, I'd argue water.
2:08
This is a Muppet Studios water bottle that I was given.
2:06
I carry it around at the gym in the hope that someone would say, 'How come you've got a Muppet Studios water bottle?'
2:18
And I'll say, 'Because I met the Muppets.'
2:18
I love the Muppets.
2:18
I like Dr. Teeth.
2:18
I've met them and tell you what people say, 'Don't meet your heroes.'
2:18
They haven't met the Muppets, have they?
2:18
I'd say, 'Meet the Muppets, you won't be disappointed.'
2:18
Next one, uh, the love of a good woman.
2:18
This is legit.
2:18
They put AFC Richmond into it, and my nephew is really good at football, but there is no greater joy in my life than scoring a goal against my nephew as myself in FIFA, and the Roy Kent on screen going, 'Yeah!' in his face, and me next to him going, 'Yeah, he's troubled.'
2:52
Is that the only team that you want to use?
2:54
Yeah, yeah.
2:54
Although I did the other day transfer Marcus Rashford into AFC Richmond and he fits in quite nice.
3:06
My next item would be cinema.
3:06
Everyone says cinema's dying.
3:06
I say, 'You!'
3:06
I don't want to watch things at home, I want to go to the cinema.
3:06
It's like church, is it?
3:06
I got rules on this type of seat I want in the cinema.
3:06
I don't want your fancy recliner with your three-course meal.
3:06
I want a really upright chair, possibly with nails in it.
3:06
The least comfortable chair, that's what I'm after.
3:06
Because I want to be watching that film and not thinking, 'Oh, I'm having a lovely relax, aren't I?'
3:27
It's not relaxing, you're at the cinema, it's important.
3:29
What was the last thing that you watched in the cinema?
3:35
The best film I saw recently was 'Banshees of Inisherin,' which is phenomenal.
3:35
Protein bar.
3:35
You're doing stand-up, you're out, what are you going to eat?
3:35
Protein bar.
3:35
Doesn't have to be this top, sugar-free ideally.
3:35
I'm not what you classify as a foodie.
3:35
That's a good meal.
3:35
There's a mom's gym near where I live, 18 moms and me, and we do a circuit together, and I try to look as non-threatening as possible.
4:01
Am I big into fitness?
4:01
Just a bit.
4:10
You're on a desert island, you've only got a Blu-ray player, and there's no cinema.
4:06
You're going to take the greatest film ever made, 'Don't Look Now,' and the greatest TV show, 'Twin Peaks.'
4:14
I guess you're going to watch them over and over until you run out of food or power.
4:17
I don't know where the power's coming from on this desert island.
4:21
Maybe I'm building a sort of crank.
4:23
'Twin Peaks' changed my life.
4:27
I was eight, me and my sister came home from somewhere, went to say hello to my dad, he says, 'Shh!'
4:36
And we sat down and we watched it, and it scared us so very badly, I moved a mattress into my sister's room and slept on the floor to this day, and I'm still sleeping there.
4:36
'Don't Look Now,' you know, when I first saw it also scared the out of me, but it's a beautiful film, and a lot of films have copied it and they should be ashamed.
4:36
It also has a sex scene in it, renowned for like, 'Oh, did they, didn't they?'
4:36
Amazing sex scene, but it'll also make you cry.
4:36
Crying and watching sex, that's a lot.
5:00
Piano book.
5:05
I'm not a piano, but I really love playing it.
5:05
I played when I was little, then I stopped, then I played when I was older.
5:05
I find it calming, not for people listening, but for myself.
5:12
You're never too far from a big body of water and you're never too far from a piano.
5:15
This is Billy Joel, the world's greatest singer-songwriter.
5:20
Can I have that on the desert island as well?
5:20
One Blu-ray with a crank and a piano, oh yeah, I'm going to need this book, sorry, because I can't remember all this.
5:20
My other essential item is my phone, not because of making calls or emails or anything, because of my screen saver, which is Toheeb Jimoh, who plays Sam in 'Ted Lasso.'
5:39
Straight up, whenever I look at that, it makes me happy.
5:45
It's a screen saver, it doesn't last long, it shuts off quite quickly.
5:45
You really got to get your love in, do you know what I mean?
5:53
That's Toheeb all over, is it?
5:49
He gives and he takes.
5:53
And my final item, the love of a bad woman.
5:56
It's not us to judge this woman, more and I appreciate her love.
6:00
Would you like to elaborate on the love of a good woman as well?
6:07
No, thanks for watching.
6:07
Those were my 10 or more essential items, which I think we can all agree were essential.
6:12
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