0:00 For me all day long,
whatever the f**k that is.
0:02 There's a f**king hair
on it and all, look.
0:03 Get on that, look.
0:05 Oh yes.
0:11 I'm Danny Dyer, and this
is Snack Wars for LADbible.
0:15 And today we're testing posh food, whatever that is, against normal food.
0:20 Let's f**king have it.
0:22 Right, ready?
0:23 Boom.
0:24 Right, okay, so it's a jellied eel.
0:28 But this is the thing about these, is that I've had this put
in front of me before.
0:33 You know, you need a proper
f**king jellied eel stall.
0:36 You always know a good pie and mash shop, and a good pie mash shop is a geezer sitting in the corner with no teeth, old boy pushing 90,
sucking on jellied eels.
0:49 You go, "This is a proper gaff." Sushi... I don't mind sushi.
0:52 Where's the f**king wasabi?
0:54 Where's the soy sauce?
0:56 If we're gonna f**king do it, let's have it.
0:58 Thank you very much, darling.
0:59 No wasabi?
1:00 Ah, that's a shame.
1:01 Didn't have the budget.
Didn't have the budget.
1:03 Now I'm just trying to
think, what's in this?
1:04 Is this a bit of salmon?
1:07 Sometimes you can get the
b******y ones at Morrisons that's just got a bit of cucumber in it.
1:11 What the f**k is the point of that?
1:13 So I'll have a bang on it, just out of, you know, respect.
1:22 I don't know what it's
trying to be, this one.
1:24 It's got all the crumbs on it, but you can't of have
the crumbs with cucumber and a b******y bit of f**king salmon.
1:32 Now, I love these in real life.
1:35 This is really not sexy, is it?
1:37 You know, if you pull
someone and go, "Come round" and go, "Here, babe.
1:43 Have some of that." And then you have a mouthful
and you go, "Now tongue me." So I mean, look, you've got me a Jekyll.
1:55 I'd say Jekyll, Jekyll and Hyde, snide.
1:59 Bit of jellied eels.
2:01 And what you would also have on this, which you haven't got - budget - is chilli
vinegar and white pepper.
2:07 So it's gotta be white pepper.
2:11 The other thing is you've got to chew down the spine.
2:19 And gob it up.
2:22 Well, I've got to, just because I'm from East London.
2:26 So for me, it's the jellied eels.
2:31 Right, okay. Hmm.
2:34 What's this b******s?
2:37 Raw greens.
2:39 A virgin smoothie.
2:40 And, well, you can't go wrong with this.
2:43 It's gotta be this flavour.
2:45 There's an orange one.
2:47 Not for me.
2:47 I think they brought out a
f**king passion fruit one, which was a f**king disgrace.
2:53 So do I need the glass?
2:54 I don't think I f**king do, do I?
3:00 There's something about f**king Lucazade.
3:03 I mean, I could swim
in that f**king thing.
3:05 Right, a f**king big vat of it.
3:07 Now, listen, as I'm getting
older, I'm realising you've gotta half look after yourself.
3:13 Spinach is f**king amazing for you.
3:15 Kale.
3:17 Not a fan of a pear. I've
never understood pears.
3:19 They're just, like, a s**t apple.
3:21 A 'moody apple', I'd call them.
3:23 Kiwi's good for you.
3:27 Broccoli?!
3:29 F**k about.
3:31 Love broccoli.
3:32 You know, listen, generally,
things that are good for you, they look s**t
and taste like s***e.
3:38 And that's why we all like
the other stuff, don't we?
3:40 So yeah, smells alright.
3:45 It's alright, really, 'cause you don't get no broccoli or kale.
3:51 Getting a bit of...
3:52 Although I prefer the taste
of broccoli to f**king pear.
3:55 I don't know what's the matter with me.
3:57 So look, depends, doesn't it, really?
3:59 I mean, that's obviously
gonna give me vitamins and s**t and build my immune system up.
4:04 So in general, I'd probably
have to swerve that way.
4:06 But, you know, I can't knock a Lucozade.
4:08 Oh, what am I gonna go for here?
4:12 Just because, you know, I wanna live another five years, I'll go with the f**king smoothie.
4:20 Pains me to say it.
4:24 Right, okay. So...
4:28 It's all f**king la-di-da.
4:31 I'm a massive fan of these, the old Peperami.
4:35 Always have been.
4:35 Again, something deemed as filth.
4:40 You know, to be seen eating one, it's not a sexy food, is it?
4:43 So I'll have it out with that first.
4:45 I'm happy that you've
gone for the hot one.
4:48 There's an even hotter
one than this, I think.
4:50 It's a fat f**ker and all.
4:51 It's like... it's naughty.
4:56 I mean, you are guaranteed heartburn.
4:59 But love that.
5:02 Now, all this b******s here, look.
5:06 A salami?
5:08 A what?
5:10 "Saucisson." "A saucisson." This is the b******s they hang up in f**king posh butchers, innit?
5:19 They're like...
5:21 Oh, it's a bit hard, innit?
5:23 That's what I'm saying, look How's that posh? Look.
5:31 Not for me, that.
5:33 Too chewy.
5:35 It's trying to be posh as well.
5:36 You know what I mean?
5:37 I'm thinking about it.
5:40 I mean, for me all day long,
whatever the f**k that is.
5:43 There's a f**king hair
on it and all, look.
5:44 Get on that, look.
5:45 Oh yes.
5:51 So for me, Peperami.
5:54 With a bit of hair, preferably.
5:57 Bit of dog hair.
6:01 So I'm assuming that's posh.
6:03 This is cheese on toast, but they've got a b******y word for it.
6:06 What is it?
6:07 Croque f**king monsieur.
6:08 It's cheese on toast.
6:09 Being a very working-class person myself, I just pick that up like that.
6:12 You know what I mean?
6:13 To cut in it.
6:14 Have a little rip-up.
6:16 Oh, it's got ham in it and all.
6:18 This all b******s and all.
6:19 Why would you put this b******s on it?
6:22 Leave it alone.
6:27 Wonderful.
6:29 Know what it needs?
6:31 Needs to be laced with Worcester sauce.
6:35 Nah, that's mental.
6:38 I love grub, but I also like eating s**t.
6:42 [Luke] Well, lucky for you, what's coming up next?
6:44 Well, the old Rustler, the classic.
6:47 I like the hot dog Rustler.
6:50 I have before... you can
actually buy a double Rustler.
6:56 So it's two of these
f**kers in the same packet.
6:59 [Luke] Bloody hell.
6:59 And, you know, you sort
of eat it and then...
7:02 It's like a kebab.
7:04 You know, you feel
disgusted with yourself.
7:05 Do you know what I mean?
7:07 It's like if you get caught eating two Rustler burgers, it's like
being caught watching porn.
7:15 I know in some circles
that is filth, but...
7:19 And who knows what's f**king in it?
7:21 It's like a donkey burger, innit?
7:25 Hmm.
7:27 Well, because, really, I
don't book that as posh.
7:31 Cheese on toast with a bit of ham in it.
7:33 I'll go with that.
7:34 I love f**king cheese and I love ham.
7:37 Ah, okay.
7:40 So, being a skint kid, you know, this... I'm assuming this is the poor man's food, is it?
7:52 For me, that was unattainable.
7:53 It was like, you know,
a knickerbocker glory in Wimpy was something I
could only dream about.
7:58 You know, I was never gonna
be allowed to have it.
8:00 Never heard of Jude's.
8:02 Flat white coffee? F**king hell.
8:05 Well, let's have a bang on this, then.
8:07 We'll go with this first.
8:18 Just general coffee, innit, really?
8:20 I mean, it's not really
flat f**king white.
8:22 So, but this...
8:24 I love how you've given me
the whole f**king thing.
8:26 What am I meant to do with this?
8:27 Just eat it like a sandwich?
8:30 I mean, look at that f**king
thing there, look, look.
8:33 That is just... Look at that, look.
8:37 That's a f**king thing of beauty.
8:38 That goes right back to the '80s, this thing, doesn't it?
8:40 Right, okay. Don't think
I've ever had the mint one.
8:44 Like I said, as a kid, you know, I could only dream about these things.
8:48 I mean, I'm caked now.
8:51 Ah!
8:55 I've gotta go with the Viennetta, 'cause it's not like ice cream.
8:58 I don't know what it is.
8:59 Who knows what it is?
9:00 You can probably sit that in the sun, it'll never melt.
9:02 In a way, in my eyes, that's the posh one.
9:04 So the Viennetta gets the point.
9:09 Yes!
9:10 Come on!
9:12 Usually I'll fast in
the day, but, you know, gotta take one for the team.
9:16 Gotta keep me t**s down, you know.